I have been working since I finished all my subjects and was left to complete my thesis for one final semester in 2008, and having worked for two and a half years has made me realize just how much I actually miss being a student.
I miss the classrooms, the professors who make your lives both a joy and a living hell at the same time because they open you to a whole world of knowledge that’s up to you to discover, and yet they give you so much work that you find it difficult to find time to explore on your own.
I miss the scent of the books in the library, and I miss the rush of papers and reports and what-else-have-you.
I miss being in control of my own schedule, and being able to go on three-hour breaks and have coffee, or have lunch with my friends, or stay in the library to swim in the books that I have yet to discover.
I miss the freedom. I miss being able to grow into my own person comfortably without having to worry about being judged because, hey, I actually have the license to try out new things, make mistakes, and be stupid. It’s college - it’s a crucial part of discovering the person that I am, and the freedom that comes with that discovery and growth is a privilege that I would like to have again.
I miss how quiet my life was. How satisfying and fulfilling it was back in those days. I have not felt that way in a very long time, and as soon as I saw this photograph I took on that final day I had to attend classes, I felt the longing for that quiet life grow stronger.
It is true that the unpredictability of my life has not changed a bit. But back then, it was an unpredictability that I could control, because no one pressured me into getting things back in order at once. Now it’s very difficult because I have all sorts of pressure around me, and the greatest pressure comes from myself. I’d love to go back to university, go back to learning and feeling fulfilled, and hopefully this time, when I finish, I will be more ready to handle the pressure and the stress that I am experiencing today.
